some profound gems to lighten the mood

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some gems from seven wright....


I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be
lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.________________
 

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There's some more...

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously .......... no one gets out
alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy,
why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

God must love stupid people; he made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!


Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up

My Dog Can Lick Anyone

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts-Do You Want Fries With That?

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!


They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already
taken(ouch!!!)

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.


The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith &Wesson
 

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